9:00a - 11:00a... I sleep, then I wake up. No. I don't sleep. When I manage to exhaust myself, it's only to fall into nightmares that blur in reality - a half awake, half asleep state. I can move around my house, see and interact with everything. But there's a new plot line going on in my head, conversations I'm not actually having that are entirely made up, shadows and shapes, screaming and panic. Yet nothing is actually happening. After a couple of hours, I snap out of it and realize that I've been half asleep and tormented by my own mind.
Have you ever seen the episode of Psych, "A Nightmare on State Street"? The whole episode, you can never tell what is a dream and what is real until messed up things start happening. And when Gus wakes up, you can't help but wonder if he's actually awake this time or if the whole episode is just in his head. Nothing really seems to track from one scene to the next.
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| Exactly like that, except without the benefit of Bruce Campbell watching you like some creepy cultist playing hacky sack with your brain and innermost fears. |
Trust me, it may not be better physically... but for the sake of sanity, it's best to just choke down the caffeine pills with a cup or two of coffee.
12:00n - 1:30p... My second round of sleep. This one is heavy. Too heavy. I can't move, though I feel my limbs falling asleep and my muscles knotting up. For the first fifteen minutes, I'm intensely aware of everything around me. Then it's confusing dreams that I used to have every night as a child, tainted by real world knowledge of pain, death, and the burden of knowing that you'll always be truly alone no matter how many people there are in your life that say they love you. Yet still... Every sound around me in the waking world is amplified and echoes in my head, seeming much too real to actually be real - like some cosmic being in the sky is trying too hard to convince me that this isn't all just a holographic simulation.
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| Oh, wait... (Link) |
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