The Anti-Sociopathic Image and Common Questions I Ask: Part 2

In the last post, I opened up about being classified as a sociopath and revealing the fact that not all sociopaths are bad people. Sociopaths are classified as such because the way they think, the emotions they feel, and how they process things. However, the only press they seem to get is bad press because only bad sociopaths are out there getting the attention. Good sociopaths are usually low-key. I'm sure it started for other reasons, but now it's due to the fact that people will start to stereotype them as evil. In fact, today I was researching groups on Facebook and other sites, looking for groups of highly functioning sociopaths (HFS) like me to discuss things with. I found none, as I expected would happen, but what I did find was... Well, see for yourself.

Sociopaths were mocked and hated, being pegged as no more than vile, emotionless people who exist only to hurt and manipulate everyone. This made me realize that if we're to clear out the misconceptions and introduce the world to another side of sociopaths, there is a lot of work to be done.

How An HFS Can Be Good?

After looking around (quite a bit; there are so many negative things out there), I've found that most agree a good sociopath is that way because of a moral code of their own devising.

"We all use short cuts to make decisions. It would be impossible for us to make a fully informed, reasoned decision every time such a decision was necessary. Empaths use emotional shortcuts, sociopaths don't/can't, so we come up with some other shortcut. A lot of sociopaths use shortcuts like "anything goes," or "I am only in it for me," but I have also met/talked to many sociopaths who have a more "principled" approach to life. I have met sociopaths who are utilitarian, a la Jeremy Bentham, or even Rawlsian. Some of my readers use religious codes to guide their actions. I use the shortcut of economic efficiency, gap-filled by Judeo-Christian ethics, which for me acts like a mental/emotional exercise regime -- monotonous drudgery, but ultimately good for mental/emotional health. The one thing that sociopath "codes" tend to have in common is that they don't fully map with prevailing social norms." Sociopath World

I have a moral code of my own. It's a mixture of the religious ethics I was raised on, some Eastern philosophy I adopted (as best I could), and what I was taught by one of my favorite bands, The Crüxshadows.

The band formed in '92, the same year I was born. I began listening to them at the age of 7 when an older brother of a friend went to see them perform in Atlanta. Later, I was excited to realize that they were (and still are) based out of the same city we lived in at the time. As I got older and life became more difficult (and that's a grave understatement), I turned to them for inspiration in deciding what was right and what was wrong. They became part of my moral code and to this day, still help me determine my actions.

Do not injustice to another
Defend the weak and innocent
Let truth and honor always guide you
Let courage find the light within

Stand up when no one else is willing
Act not in hatred or in spite
Be to this world as a perfect knight
Even if it means your life
- The Crüxshadows, "Sophia"

All of their lyrics are just as inspiring, and even the band is down-to-earth, caring, polite, and just genuinely good people. Through them, I have come to model myself into a person that people look up to, just as I look up to them. In combination with some of the religious ethics I was brought up with and some of those previously mentioned Eastern philosophies, I have become a person who is level-headed, realistic, practical, and as noble as I can be (in terms of defending others and standing my ground). It's rather difficult to stand up for others because I'm not really bothered by too much, unless it happens to me.

But is this who I really am? Or is it just who I want to be? Since this whole situation began, I've realized a lot of things I've fooled myself (and others, unknowingly) about. I always adjust myself to be what each person needs. What if I'm doing that to myself, changing the way I act in accordance with who I want to become and how I want to see myself? But that's another matter entirely - one I'm still exploring. So, we'll save that for later.

Right or Wrong? A Personal Look.
All through my life at different stages, I've asked myself how I feel about right and wrong. How would I act in certain situations? Recently, while taking another look at myself and trying to learn about myself in relation to the world, I've realized something: right and wrong doesn't matter.

I know what the social norm is. I know what you think is right and wrong. I know what I think is right and wrong. But it will not affect my decision in the end (in a majority of situations).

For example, the social norm says that stealing is wrong. The religion I was brought up in says stealing is wrong. You are the internet, so I cannot speak for you. In most cases, I would agree that my moral guidelines would say that stealing is wrong. So I wouldn't steal. But what about that starving woman? The one who gave everything for her three children, whose husband drank away all their life savings and left them for dead to be with another woman. What if there are no food banks, she can't wait that long to be approved for government assistance, and she has applied everywhere she can reach but is not hired. She steals to feed her children. If she is caught, she would be arrested. Her kids would probably go through the system and she would be shamed. But why? In this case, I believe survival is the most important thing. Who cares what is right or wrong? It's subjective.

Even in many other situations that don't seem so ambiguous. My decisions are not based on right or wrong. My moral code does have sway, but ultimately, I will do what is right for me. As long as (in compliance with my moral code) it doesn't harm anyone and it helps me, I really don't see too much problem. Of course, every situation is different and many other factors will come into play. But you can see what I'm getting at, can't you? What society (and everything else) says is right or wrong doesn't matter too much in the end. What matters is the intent, the reason behind it, the effect, and the outcome - both desired and actual.

Conclusion...
Life is made up of gray areas and unpredictable variables. Decisions shouldn't be based on a black-and-white, one extreme or another system of right or wrong. What we should be factoring into our decisions is what we intend to do, why, who or what it will affect, what we hope to get out of it, and what we will get out of it. Then we should weigh the pros and cons against our moral guidelines and religion (if we have any) and make a decision from there. 

So stop and ask: What am I doing? Why am I doing this? What negative impact(s) will it have? What am I hoping to accomplish? What are the possible outcomes? Do my morals agree with this? What will happen if I don't do this? Now... what will I do?

Hello, I'm a highly functioning sociopath: Part 1

I've shelled out for psychologists and the like whenever I could afford it, and had them evaluate me out of curiosity. If you know anything about INFJs, it's common knowledge that they always feel different than most people. Until recently, I've chalked it up to that. However, I participate in a group that exists to examine the human creature, find its flaws, and discuss why they are necessary - or eliminate them. Our most recent lessons called for psychologists to evaluate the members in hopes of finding deeper issues that we can work on in order to make ourselves a little less toxic. Interestingly, I had already been evaluated by this particular psychologist on multiple occasions. He asked if I would like to see my file rather than going through it all again. Naturally, I opted for the shortcut and opened my file. What I saw, I was not prepared for...

"Highly functioning sociopath." This irked me. Not because it claimed I was a sociopath, but because I didn't know about it - and, strangely enough, I didn't want people associating me with a fictional character (Sherlock). I found it interesting that being labeled as an HFS, as it will now be called, didn't actually bother me as much as I assumed it would have.

"Sociopaths know that they are different, though they may not necessarily be familiar that the label "sociopath" applies to them [...] When I was told by a friend that there was a label for people like me and it was called "sociopath," I actually willingly accepted the diagnosis. I knew I didn't have the same emotions as everyone else, I knew I had a weak sense of empathy, I knew I was different, and it wasn't something that I struggled with ever." Sociopath World

Naturally, this came up in discussion with the group (it's very open) and they were curious as to how an HFS could be an INFJ rather than an INTJ, and especially how such a person can be an HSP (highly sensitive person). So, they've made an entire study of me (after I begrudgingly accepted). I've learned quite a lot about myself, and even learned that not all sociopaths are cold, unfeeling, evil people. Some are good. Some can feel love, form bonds, and function normally. In this first post, we will look at the different aspects that make up my person.

Note: Whenever I make reference to a "sociopath," assume I am speaking about a highly functioning sociopath (HFS).

INFJ

Why the label? I was labeled an INFJ time and time again not because I'm emotional, but because I'm able to easily read people, I'm very in tune with my environment (HSP), and I have a strong intuition that I always follow. I do have emotions, just not the same as everyone else does. It's not something that's easy to explain, especially when I've fooled myself for so long. I used to believe I was extremely compassionate. Someone could make up a sad story about a rock on the ground, and I would be distressed and try to make the rock feel better. This is not something that was simply done as a child, but throughout a majority of my life. I was overly compassionate. Looking at it now, I didn't really feel it. I was overcompensating for a lack of general empathy. That's not to say sociopaths can't relate to people - it's just difficult in my experience.

Speaking with this psychologist, researching, and reading my file have brought to light that I adapted at a young age. I saw how people reacted to something, I filed it away, and when I didn't feel the same, I pretended I did and overcompensated, making me seem a very sensitive child. As I got older, I was able to reign it in some, but would still seem to respond strongly to the strangest things - like the rock, for instance. It puzzled people, and it puzzled me too. If I had bothered to actually take five seconds and ask myself if I really felt that way, the answer would have been clear: no.

What I've learned. Sociopaths can feel emotion, just differently than most people. It's the same thing as listening to a story. It's the same story everyone else hears, but some may perceive it as a sad, hopeful, boring, or funny. No one will experience emotions the same way, and a sociopath is no different. They just feel differently than the majority population.

"I have been surprised by how often I hear or read someone saying that sociopaths don't have emotions or can't form emotional bonds with other people. Most often it's people talking about how sociopaths are soulless monsters or must live lives completely devoid of any real meaningful relationships, but sometimes it's someone saying that he couldn't possibly be a sociopath because he feels emotions and love, etc. This is all fallacy. The three main diagnostic criterions actually have relatively little to say about emotions: Cleckley only mentions "general poverty in major affective reactions" and a poorly integrated sex life, Hare's PCL-R also lists shallow affect, and the DSM-V's ASPD only says that sociopaths tend to experience irritability and don't feel remorse. Nowhere does it say that sociopaths don't love. Nowhere does it say that sociopaths can't form emotional bonds. There is not a single historical example of a sociopath who is a completely emotionless, robot loner, so I don't know from where people are getting this image of the emotionless sociopath.

[...]

Of course who knows whether sociopaths are feeling the same emotions that everyone else is, but I don't think anyone's emotional palette is completely identical to anyone else. Rather people's emotions are going to depend on their culture, their belief system, their education, the societal expectations placed on them, along with the vast natural and physical differences between people's brain and brain chemistry. This applies particularly to a complex emotion like love." Sociopath World

 Summary. It's common myth that sociopaths can't feel emotion. It's fact that they feel different emotions, but they feel nonetheless.

HSP

Why the label? What is an HSP? An HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) is not someone who cries a lot, despite how it sounds. An HSP "is a person having the innate trait of high sensory processing sensitivity," and "may process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems." (Wikipedia.org) Furthermore...

"This is a specific trait, with key consequences for how we view people, that in the past has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems, inhibitedness, social phobia and innate fearfulness, and introversion." Wikipedia.org

As a child, I was always thought shy and antisocial. This was quickly looked at by school counselors and psychologists, and it was determined at the age of six that I was just highly sensitive - and then at age eight that I was merely introverted because I was bored and I had trouble relating to my classmates due to a high IQ. I was placed in a gifted program where I went to a different school twice a week, and no more was said about it. Since the HSP aspect of my being was discovered and nurtured at such a young age, it has become incredibly developed. Like many, I know what needs to be done to make an environment feel different (change the lighting, rearrange furniture, etc.) and intense stimuli effects me physically.

That's not to say that all intense stimuli has a negative effect. If I enjoy the stimuli, the intensity doesn't bother me - in fact, it has a positive effect such as elevating my mood, calming or energizing me, and so on. However, if I don't enjoy the stimuli (unpleasant texture, loud music that I hate, intense smells that I don't like), it can make me physically sick and unable to concentrate or otherwise function properly. Sometimes it even disorients me.

What I have learned. HSP is very useful in being a sociopath. As the psychologist has pointed out to me over the course of this study, sociopaths are very perceptive and often change their mannerisms and other aspects of themselves to influence outcomes or make themselves fit in and/or seem more agreeable to others. An HSP is also very observant - not just of their surroundings, but of people and their emotions as well. They can read body language of people; for some who are more developed like me, it's as easy as if we were reading everything about you in that current state off a sheet of paper.

Summary. HSPs are observant, and HFSs are perceptive. When one has both, it is very useful and the two feed off of each other in a sort of symbiotic relationship.

In Conclusion...
Now you can see how it is possible for a person to be in these three seemingly unrelated classifications. After many hours of researching and discussions, I've learned that what I knew about sociopaths was only one side of the picture: there is such a thing as a good sociopath, they can be functioning members of society, and they do feel.

In the next post, I will share some questions that have been on my mind and my personal views on the topic of morality. I hope you've found this useful and enlightening. I will continue to post more as I learn about what I am and how I can use this to lead a successful life among the "normal" people of the world. (Though, normal is a relative term and highly overrated.)

Remember, when it comes to people: always research before you believe it, don't stereotype, and (most of all) accept.

- Genrin