Mum, I know I could not be the daughter you wanted. I wanted my freedom too much and didn't want to be responsible for anyone - not even myself. It wasn't that I didn't love you, or that I didn't want to take care of you, help you. I love you so much, you don't even know. I know I was a pill to be with. I still am, but you wouldn't know because I'm never around. I'm not a good daughter. I should have been better. I'm sorry.
To my nephews, you are both so important to me. I've loved you both since the moment I held you in the hospital and I will never stop loving you, even long after I am gone. Please make different choices than I did, and never stop doing the right thing. I am sorry I was never around. I hope the times I was, you were happy. I'm so very sorry.
To all my friends, I am sorry that I was in your life for so long. You didn't deserve that.
To all of my former friends, I am sorry for whatever it was that ended our friendships. I am sorry I met you. I am sorry that you were inflicted with my presence for so long, and I am glad you are gone now. Be happy. Be free. Don't think about me ever again.
To my best friend, don't let anything stop you from moving forward. It's stressful, it's scary, but you can do it. I am sorry that I could never be the person that you confided in. Whenever you had troubles, I always asked but you never told me. That's fair. I am sorry that I wasn't enough. I didn't know how to be. But never for a second doubt that I loved you as much as I could.
To the rest of my family, I am sorry I disappointed all of you.
Finally, my husband. I don't even know where to begin. I am sorry that I didn't do as well as you did. I am sorry that I contributed nothing. I am sorry for all the times you watched me cry or the times we fought. I am sorry for ever being angry with you for a single second. I am sorry that I couldn't be more useful. I am sorry that I am not a good wife. I am sorry that I ranted to you when I was upset. I am sorry I didn't do things you asked me to. I am sorry for literally everything. It should have been perfect, but I failed you. I love you more than anything in this world and I am closer to you than I will ever be with another living thing. My depression, my suicidal thoughts - none of that was your fault. Never blame yourself. Never.
To everyone else out there, for once I have nothing to say. Life is a hard game to play. Some give up, some don't. Good luck.
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