Being Ignored

I've been told by therapists that I'm borderline narcissistic. Those of you who read this blog know that I am young and just starting out in the world. I can't afford regular sessions, so I save up and shell out for individual sessions on rare occasions. On all of these occasions, the discussion always turns to my father.

I didn't get much from him growing up. In fact, the only things I will credit him with are poverty, my short height, and the inherited narcissism. Again, those of you that read know that despite being classified as a highly functioning sociopath (HFS), I'm keeping it well under control and struggling to make some sort of positive impact, as well as attempting to break the negative and emotionless stereotype of sociopaths. So, likewise, I've been keeping a check on my narcissism. This is really hard to do. A lot of the time, I feel like I'm entitled to a bit more respect than I get from some people. I feel like my words and advice carry more weight than the average person because I know more about a person than they know about themselves. As such, I put a lot of thought and insight into what I say. That why it bothers me so much when they refuse to listen or act like what I say doesn't matter.

The issue we're going to discuss today is being ignored.

No one likes it, even if they don't like attention. Me? I don't like drawing attention to myself, so when I go out of my way to speak to someone or let my voice be heard, ignoring me is as bad as spitting in my face. This may sound narcissistic, and it is. But truly think about it for a moment. If you're extroverted and outgoing, imagine how it would feel to suddenly have everyone dismiss your thoughts and ideas, or to stop talking to you as if you don't exist. If you're introverted, or just misanthropic as I am, imagine deciding to stand up and say something, only to have people scoff at you and jeer or act like they can't hear you. Doesn't feel good, does it?

I was thinking about this today as I was being ignored (it gave me a lot of down time), and I realized that it's not how many people hear you, but what you say, how loudly you say it, and how strong you are. It doesn't matter if people are willing to listen. What matters is that you stood up and said it loudly. You took a stand, you stuck by it, and you will keep saying it as long as it takes to be heard.

As for me, myself, personally... I will still be annoyed. And maybe flip them off.