I Wrote Her A Letter

I wrote her a letter today
And I tucked it away
I told her all the things that I couldn't say
Back when she was part of me
I told her how I drank
I told her how I wanted to die
Each and every time she made me a bully
In her mind
I told her how I cut myself
I told her how I cried my heart out
I counted every tear for her in the palm of my hand
And fed them to the dirt

I cut myself open
Right down the middle
And peeled back the layers like the pages of a book
I showed her the gouges 
That she made in my heart
I showed her the blackened spots
She left on my spirit
And then I showed her the crumpled, pathetic ball
Of what looked like paper
And told her that was how she left my soul
In between sobs
I begged her to understand
Why I had not spoken to her in over a year

And then I led her to the pit
The bubbling, churning tar of depression
And tendrils of the inky mass
Whipped the air and wrapped around me
In ropes and ropes that pulled at me
"This is loneliness," I told her,
"The loneliness that you left behind,
That I tried to fill with other people
Other hobbies
Other pills
To distract from the space where you had been."
And then it engulfed me
And she walked away

I wrote her a letter today
And my fingers grazed the key
But I couldn't press send
And so I sat in silence and stared at the screen
Wondering if thousands of miles away
She was staring at hers
Writing a letter
To me