Elision

This is my instrumental. I don't understand words.

This is my language. I can't articulate.

Music does most of the talking. Lyrics that I didn't write scratch the surface. The music is most important. The beats, the melody. I think in emotions and sounds. I do not speak in my head as others do. My brain already has made the connection and talking it out in my head slows me down. I do not need to tell myself what I already know. Skip it, make the connections, synapses firing, delivering knowledge and carrying out the commands to the rest of my being.

I look at you. I don't know what to say. Words aren't relatable to me. I hum. Humming shows you my emotion. Humming shows my thoughts. I am not made to be a being that communicates and thinks in words. Why would you speak when you could let the sounds say more effectively what you are in that moment? I often find songs in instrumental versions because I understand them better without words. As if they are speaking another language when they sing. Music is universal. Music I understand. No words. No clutter. Only emotion and sound.

I can't articulate to you. I can't speak aloud. I don't know what to say, so I drum a rhythm on the table. You don't understand. I vocalize a complicated melody. You still don't understand. But I can't speak.

I do not vow silence. I vow sound without words.

I count numbers like scores that validate my existence.

I did not do this for myself out of selfish anger. I did this out of love. Count one, count two, let the echoes carry your anguish.

And then to the elision. The continual elision that is my life.

And this is what I say...