From Gender Fluid to Agender / Agender v. Neutrois

Gender fluid. I was sure that I was. I was still confused, but I didn't know any other way to describe the neutral feeling I had. Turns out, it was easier than I thought. Agender. Let's start be defining things to get a basic understanding.

Agender: Not identifying with male or female genders. Not a man. Not a woman. Non-gender.

Neutrois: Same as above with a very fine difference that those who identify as neutrois seek to change their image to reflect their non-gender.

Asexual: Still has sex. Still enjoys sex. Is not sexually attracted to people.
*Will be clarified more thoroughly later on.

Demiromantic: Experiences romantic attraction only after an emotional bond is made.

The Agender v. Neutrois Debate

It's debated that agender and neutrois are the same thing. In my research I've found that in most respects, they are. Agender and neutrois both share the lack of male/female distinction. Most people who are agender or neutrois will even say that there is no difference. Others say:

❝...yes, there is a difference, and it seems you all ready know it: generally an agender person doesn't mind their body, whereas someone who is neutrois may experience dysphoria much like a transsexual and seek surgery/etc. People sometimes use terms like FtN or MtN. Agender and neutrois can be used interchangeably, but neutrois usually has this distinction to it.

I actually used to be neutrois in the past and endured agonising gender dysphoria, but I made a serious effort to learn to like my body and it worked out well in the end, so I don't experience that anymore and identify as agender....❞ asexuality.org

I have a female body. I'm okay with that. People refer to me as she/her. I'm okay with that, too. I am engaged to a very understanding and patient man. I am fine with who I am. I am agender.

Asexual Relationships 

I'm engaged to a man. I love him and he loves me. Most people who aren't acquainted with asexuals have no idea how this is possible. It's very simple. Asexuals still feel love. Sexual orientation and romantic orientation are different things.

Romantic orientation: also called affectional orientation, indicates the sex or gender with which a person is most likely to have a romantic relationship or fall in love.

Sexual orientation:  an enduring pattern of romantic or sexual attraction (or a combination of these) to persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender. These attractions are generally subsumed under heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality, while asexuality (the lack of sexual attraction to others) is sometimes identified as the fourth category.

So, I have made a deep emotional connection with my fiance. I have romantic feelings for him, and he for me. I look forward to spending my entire life with him. I'm excited to marry him and be his wife. We both don't want children, so this works out well.

But... how can it work if I'm asexual and don't feel sexual attraction? Easy. I like sex; it's fun and pleasurable. I still have it. I don't seek it. I don't ever feel the need to. Here is an explanation using donuts as a metaphor for sex:

Simple as that. Enjoy these.

 

Not sure if you're asexual? 

 

I hope this helps someone out there. My next post will be a post about us INFJs. For now, just remember to take things one step at a time. And don't stress. If you feel a certain way, you're not alone. Guaranteed there is someone in the world like you; they might just be a little harder to find.